Entry 12: Voluntary Discomfort - 10/28/22

This journal is a recap of events that have happened spread out over the past 2 weeks. Like I have said before there is so much that goes on here and I am having so many amazing experiences. This entry touches on some of the events that were left out of my last journal. I fill you in on the revelations and growth that came from my first experience with fasting. I also write about a prophetic prayer regarding my original design. Then I write about some encounters I have had with Hawaiian natives while being here on the Island of Hawaii. I conclude this entry with a paragraph explaining the picture in this blog which is the supplies I have to provide for my trekking journey though the Himalayan Mountains.

Fasting

   On Thursday of last week we were at class and the speaker talked about fasting. I thought to myself, I have never fasted before and I should. Then I kinda forgot about it and as the day went on I realized I was eating a lot and my stomach felt overfilled all day causing me to feel gross. Then at supper I ate a lot, then I ate some snacks after. I think some of this stemmed from not always having reliable food at YWAM so when I get the chance to eat, I eat a lot . After I overindulged during supper I decided I was going to fast from Thursday at 7 to Saturday morning. Overindulging was not my only reason I wanted to fast. When someone fasts they are weakening their flesh and not listening to its desires for fleshly things like food. This causes our spirit to become stronger in the process. when we fill our minds with scripture and prayer in the place of food the spirit can be in control. The flesh is of this world and will do anything to reject scripture or think negativity, but while fasting I could quite literally feel the separation of spirit and flesh. Because my body was weak I was able to have a clear mind causing scripture to speak so vividly to me. While studying and praying I realized that my need for understanding was rooted in selfishness. Do not get me wrong, the virtue of analyzing and critically thinking is a gift. Many of my greatest characteristics come from wanting to understand, but with God sometimes we are called to receive peace in the place of understanding or knowledge. There will always be mysteries and unanswered questions. The peace of the Lord surpasses all understanding. 

   I also fasted because I want to push and stretch myself beyond comfort. I used to get very angry and anxious when I was hungry and I knew this was a problem. I wanted to fast so I could overcome this weakness and boast God’s strength in my weakness. While sitting in class hungry and anxious I had a revelation. It was like a deep memory rose to the surface. I realized so much of my anger and anxiety that came with hunger stemmed from my childhood. From ages 5-11 I was in wrestling. It was not often but sometimes I had to cut weight and I was not able to eat a day or two before wrestling. Meaning I had to reframe from eating or could not eat much for those days so I could weigh a target weight for check in. As a child this is not an easy thing to do. The main trauma that caused my present day anger and anxiety is because when I was cutting weight I knew that meant I had a wrestling tournament in the next few days. I used to get extremely anxious and nervous for wrestling meets. I would become so afraid of failing or losing that I could sometimes barely sleep the night before a tournament. When I grew up I overcame those nerves, but in class I realized that that was one of the main reasons hunger caused so much trouble in my mind and body. After I had this revelation and I told people about it, I instantly felt better. Just by bringing this past trauma to the light it lost its grip on me. Now I was just hungry, but I was not angry or anxious. My mind was not flooding with anxious thoughts; I could think clearly, even in the midst of hunger. This was the morning of my fast many other revelations came after.

   I believe voluntary suffering is a powerful thing. Think of Jesus when he fasted for 40 days in the wilderness. After those 40 days the devil tempted him. The devil did this thinking Jesus was at his weakest but he was far off. The flesh of Jesus may have been weak but the spirit of Jesus was at its strongest. It was after those 40 days of fasting that Jesus combatted the devils temptations. Jesus used the double edged sword of scripture to cut through the enticements that the enemy presented. This can be the same for us. When we choose to fast, workout, take a cold shower, etc. It causes our discipline and mind to be strengthened. Then when suffering comes that we do not choose we can be prepared and used to finding peace in uncomfortability. The mind is like many different muscles and one of those is discipline. When we choose voluntary suffering we are strengthening that muscle causing us to be prepared for the tribulations of this world. We have seen God work in our weaknesses and we are prepared to boast his strength when we are tired and experiencing trials. In the depths of our valleys is when we become humbled and if smart we speak out in vulnerability. Many think it is weak to be vulnerable, mostly as a man, but that could not be more wrong. Vulnerability is actually the process in which we as humans become stronger. Like lifting weights, through hard times we stretch ourselves and can tear or hurt specific places. Vulnerability is the protein and rest that we need to process and recover, causing us to be stronger than we were before.

Orignal design

I previously wrote about original design in my last entry, so if you do not know what it is you can catch up by clicking> Entry 11: Freedom - 10/23/22. Last week we got personal prophetic prayers during class. I was excited to hear what God had for me. I was expecting to hear that I am a strong leader or my voice holds weight and will help others because these are things I had heard before, but instead I got something way different. Sam and Emma who had never met me before stood around me and through intercession they received words and visions of my original design. The first prophetic original design for me was from Sam and it was that I have compassion for the outsider; the ones hurting. Sam said God has gifted me with an eye to see the ones who may not feel accepted and has given me a heart to seek them out. Then Emma said she saw me holding a shield and it was not to protect myself but instead for those around me. She said she felt God has given me the desire to help and be there for others. Then they prayed for my false assignment to be revealed. A false assignment is a lie that had been placed upon me from the enemy. It is something that I believe that is actually holding me back from the fullness of who God has created me to be. After a short time of intercession Sam said he felt my false assignment was that I constantly strive for surrender. That I feel I always need to surrender more and more. He said I often tried to do it by my own strength instead of laying it upon Christ. He could not of been more correct. I could not possibly think one could strive for surrender to an unhealthy point, but like he said it was out of my own works. By definition I was practically doing the opposite of surrender. After this new found knowledge I received so much peace. I laid back on striving for surrender on my own and instead laid it upon the Lord, how surrender should be. A week later I am already reaping the benefits through Christ of this new found false identity that has been eradicated through prayer and conviction.

Natives

   Something that has brought me great joy is getting to know the natives. A place where I have met the most natives that do not have ties with YWAM is at the gym. I have met a handful of people and started creating relationships with these people. Many non natives come and take from the island just to leave shortly after. Others visit Hawaii and disrespect the Island and Hawaiian culture. Because white people and non natives have this reputation I make sure I am super intentional with how I act. I try to go out of my way to talk to the natives and let them know I am so grateful to be on the island. I usually always ask them some ways I can make sure I am respecting them and their home. This instantly draws them in and has caused me to meet some really interesting people. One of the first days I worked out at the gym I met a guy named sam while I was in the sauna. Now we always say hi and have great talks anytime our schedules align and happen to be working out at the same time. One encounter with a native taught me so much. Not only about the gym but also life. 

   There was a super bulk, power lifting archetype, dude with tattoos up his neck. I had seen him often while at the gym. After observing his encounters with others and his body language I could tell he was one of the top dogs of the gym. Each gym has "regulars" who know everyone and have a big influence on the people and gym as a whole. One day I decided to approach him. I was fearful but proceeded out of courage. I just said "Hey I have seen you in the gym a lot and would like to introduce myself." He then introduced himself, and in a surprisingly high voice that did not match his masculine extrinsic identity he said his names is Harry. I told him that I wanted to make sure I am respecting the gym and the Island as much as I can and if he sees me doing anything disrespectful to just let me know. I also said if you ever got tips for me, just let me know because I am always down to learn and grow. He said just by you approaching me and introducing yourself you have shown me respect. We talked for awhile then he told me how his wife who was with him at the time is a world record holder. She holds the world record with a specific competition for a 310 LBS bench press at 185 LBS body weight. Then he said he was a personal trainer and would love to show me some lifts with proper form and what to think during the lift to help mind-muscle connection. I was so happy I encountered him and learned that Hawaiian people love to be approached. I was humbled and learned not to be fearful of someone because their outward appearance. I am proud that even in my fear I still approached him! 

   Another powerful encounter I had was at a gas station. I spent a whopping $4.44 to fill my moped tank from Empty. While I was buying the gas a homeless man named Stephan asked if I had any change to spare. I looked in my wallet and had 3 dollars. I approached him and said I will give you this money if you give me in return something that I can pray for in your life. We then talked for awhile and he said how he does not really believe in anything, but does like prayer. He said he had been prayed for before by other YWAM students and thinks it is a positive thing, so I placed my hand on his shoulder with his consent and then started praying. I prayed for a couple minutes and just proclaimed that he was fearfully and wonderfully made. I prayed that God would initiate his Love upon Stephan and his soul would be filled with overwhelming Joy and Peace. It was not me speaking but instead the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to remind him of his worth, so I kept emphasizing that Stephan, through repentance was made perfect through the blood of Christ and that he was made in the image of God. I told him that he was intricately designed with many gifts and that God has a plan for him. After I was done praying I looked up and with tears in his eyes he said "Thank you so much, that was the best prayer I have ever received." I was so happy I stepped out in faith and God gave me the courage to pray for Stephan. I pray that the seeds planted can be nurtured by faith and God's love. I have faith that Stephan will want more of the true peace that comes only from Christ. It is crazy how much joy and fulfillment comes from praying for and serving others. It makes perfect sense though. Because that is what God has called us to do. I encourage you to go out of your way today and do something small for someone else. Do not do it for praise from others or even the feeling of fulfillment, but instead out of the kindness of your heart. One small seed of love can grow into a forest of faith or can cause the receiver to overflow with love unto others.

Trekking supplies